Travels

Day 4 Friday Feb 9

My husband and I, and the bride and groom, were driven by van (with driver), accompanied by the bride’s father, from Beijing to Handan (5 hours south of Beijing). This is an industrial city of over 1,000,000 people that obviously does not see many, if any, Caucasian visitors. The bride’s mother was already there as the bride’s grandmother was too sick to travel and hence the reason for the location of the wedding.

We were all moved into the bride’s uncle’s modern 3 bedroom condo. Everyone was extremely warm, kind and affectionate to us and waited on us hand and foot. Our son had already met the family two weeks earlier when they had the wedding pictures done. The hospitality they extended was wonderful.

My husband and I were given our own room, as were the bride and groom (a surprise but as they were already legally married, I suppose this was acceptable). We had dinner with the family (mother, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends) at a local restaurant. Many different meals in a selection of different restaurants over the course of the weekend, actually. Food always seems to be served at a round table with a lazy Susan which accommodates sharing of all the dishes. Prepare to eat with only chop sticks. Dinner items: edible fungus - hot & cold, egg, chicken, pork & beef dishes, a whole fish, various broths & many different vegetables dishes. Steamed dumplings with misc meat fillings are good - the locals dip them into a vinegar. An individual bowl of noodles is often served at the end. And hotpot as described in the Beijing page is always viewed as a treat. For drinks, expect tea, warm water, sometimes wine & soft drinks. Moutai is a strong and vile but prized Chinese liquor staple that’s served in abundance. The men are expected to rise to each others’ challenges to down copious quantities. It is common to take your own wine & moutai into a restaurant - although this created an argument in a Beijing eatery (the bride's mother won).

(Ian comments: During a typical meal, I would be downing 12 or 15 shots of Moutai. It is served in tiny 1/2 - 3/4 ounce porcelain shot glasses. Drink lots of tea, warm water, Coke . . . anything to dilute this 53% rocket fuel. It has a distinctive taste, but not one that I really like. To signal a toast, you tap your shot glass on the glass lazy Susan & point it at your drinking partner. The toast 'Ganbay' signals your intention to 'bottoms up' your drink. Then after you slug it down, you show them that your glass is empty).

Day 5 Saturday Feb 10

We spent the day just hanging out with the family and preparing for the wedding. This included preparation of the Wedding Bed with red linens and a phrase spelled in decorative nuts on the bed praying for the couple to have a male child very soon. A large picture of the bride and groom is placed at the head of their bed.

In the morning, we were served huge bowls of noodle soup with poached eggs in them for breakfast that we ate with chopsticks. This was repeated every morning. Quite tasty even if it wasn’t toast or cereal. We also had a big lunch with a large entourage at a local eatery. At around 5:00 pm, the whole family went to the mall – just for fun and to exchange the shoes that the bride’s father had purchased for the groom – they were tastefully stylish but too large. After that, we shopped for shoes for the bride (I couldn’t believe this was left to the last minute!) We paid for her shoes of course. We were quite the celebrities at the mall, with people staring at us, taking pictures with their cell phone cameras, and even joining our family group as if they were with us. It was quite a strange feeling.

Then back to the condo to meet the wedding organizer. We were extremely relieved that we were finally going to learn about the wedding ceremony that was now a little over 12 hours away. The wedding organizer and a gentleman, who was to be our son’s escort throughout the wedding, interviewed us and went over the events of the following day. The wedding organizer was extremely nice but his English was very poor & yet we managed to communicate, in spite of the official translator’s very late arrival at around 10:30 pm. This is another story unto itself - we were told what amounts of money were to be in each red packet. Fortunately, we had read about wedding negotiators so we were prepared but it was a little late in the day to lay this on us. Luckily we had wallets bulging with US & CNY in various denominations. The bride and groom were really upset as they didn’t realize we were prepared for this – they’re just in love and didn’t have a clue as to what to expect - so we had to do some feather smoothing to keep everybody happy. Oh & we had a big family dinner somewhere along the way too. With translated discussions about parental feelings & concerns about trans-continental relationships. Who said it was easy being a parent?

Day 6 Sunday Feb 11

The day.

9:00 am (exactly!)

The groom left our home (albeit the uncle’s home) to collect the bride from her parents’ home. He took with him a red lace veil to cover her head and face with money (supplied by us) tied to each corner. He also took with him two red money packets (us again) – one to give to the bride when he goes to her home and another to give her when he carries her to the car. He arrived at the bride’s home at exactly 10:00 am where bowing rituals were performed with the bride’s parents and photos are taken. The played some 'hide & seek' game with the bride's shoes for the groom to solve. The groom then carried the bride in her wedding dress and red veil to the car. We didn't see any of this because we were waiting at the 'groom's' home.

By the way, all travels to and fore are preceded by the firing of thousands of firecrackers accompanied by canon-like fireworks. My son just loved this part of it. As a matter of fact, he enjoyed the entire wedding – red jacket and all!

At 11:00 am (exactly!) the bride and groom arrived in a Mercedes Benz at the groom’s home where the groom carried her from the car to inside the condo’s door. This was a bit of a problem for our son as the condo was on the fifth floor and there were no elevators. They cheated. The unveiling takes place at the groom’s parents’ home. I should mention that two photographers and a professional TV camera man arrived at 8:30 am to document the day’s proceedings. I was just getting out of the shower and totally not expecting this!

After a flurry of picture taking, the bride and groom left in the Benz at 11:20 am, followed by a caravan of Audis carrying the various members of the wedding party. We were the second in line which gave us the vantage point of driving through the smoldering fireworks when we arrived at the hotel (more were set off there too).

Although the wedding banquet itself was relatively modest, we felt like royalty as we were videotaped and cameras flashed at our every step. We were escorted to our places at the head table by the translators who sat with us and gave us instructions throughout the ceremonies.

When the guests were settled (about 100), the marriage ritual began with the bride and groom walking together up the centre (aisle) of the room at exactly 11:58 am to the wedding march. We were told that it was extremely important that the timing be correct!

Marriage ritual:

Bride and groom walked directly to the stage. When asked to, the bride steps forward; then the groom steps forward. The wedding organizer introduced the couple to the guests (a bit of a CV but it was in Chinese so we don’t know what was said). There was 1 administrator who approved the marriage and another who delivered blessing words. The couple exchanged wedding rings and the wedding organizer asked why they were giving each other rings. The bride and groom explained their individual meaning of the ring they were giving (in their own words). Then the bride and groom wound their arms around each other and their glasses of wine while spinning (slowly) in a circle. With no spillage!

The bride and groom’s parents were then called to the stage and introduced. The groom’s parents sat on one side of the couple and the bride’s parents sat on the other.

The bride and groom recognized each other’s parents by bowing and calling them “Mama” and “Papba” individually. Each parent responds with a resounding “Eh” (meaning “yes”) very loudly and enthusiastically. After each acceptance as the new mom or dad, the groom’s parents each give a red packet of money to the bride (we were told what amounts these should contain) and the bride’s parents each give a red packet of money to the groom.

(Ian comments: I was very enthusiastic with my Ehs which brought a round of laughter from the guests. He asked each parent 3 times to egg them on for louder responses)

Each parent then made a speech, although this is optional as we were asked the night before whether we wished to do this. We decided on simple speeches as we realized that the English skills of our translator were truly lacking and god knows what our words would become when translated to Chinese. For safety, we read our speeches.

(Ian comments: Due to the presence of some Chinese gov't dignitaries, I made a point of praising 'The great People's Republic of China')

The bride and groom then bowed to each other three times. The first time they touched heads, the second time they touched left and right cheeks and the third time they touched noses (left and right). They then toasted the guests and were joined by the parents for another toast.

The couple then left the room to change to traditional Chinese wedding clothes. This is when the meal started to roll out. The couple returned to the festivities & visited each table to welcome, thank and toast the guests. Then the bride's parents do the same, followed by the groom's parents. This is done in order of importance of the guests at each table (we had translators guide us through this process). Once back to the head table, the guests visit to congratulate and toast each set of parents.

Then we ate and, before we knew it, everyone had disappeared. It was a luncheon wedding and we were thankful that it ended without further ceremony. Not because we didn’t enjoy it, but it was very stressful not being able to speak Chinese.

Then the new family returned to the groom’s home to rest (albeit only briefly though) & we went out for a big family dinner (including several aunts, cousins, etc.)

The Wedding night:

The newlyweds were much dismayed when they were told that we (the groom’s parents) would not be leaving the condo for the night. So later in the evening, they went out for entertainment to a karaoke bar with some of the bride’s cousins and friends. We don’t know when they arrived home as we were sound asleep. The cousin's were littered all over the condo in the morning, though.

For us, the entire experience was awesome and we would not have missed it for the world. It showed us how important family is to the Chinese and how much respect the younger generation must have for the more senior members of the family. These are values that I welcome to our home with my beautiful and very nice daughter-in-law when she returns to Canada.

Note: The jewelry we gave the bride was worn with the Chinese wedding dress. I think I was to put it on her during the ceremony but she was wearing gobs of rental jewelry so there wasn’t any room. I understand that in some regions the presentation of jewelry and red money packets take place during a family tea ceremony prior to the banquet.

Our Biggest Tip: TAKE LOTS OF US CASH as you’ll find that most of the time your Visa card will be useless.

(Ian comments: Since we're talking about cash . . . we had a failed US dollar exchange incident at the main Bank of China in Handan. I guess exchanges are rare in remote locations & they gave us a runaround. After 20 minutes of frustration - with our own translator - we gave up. The teller was a slug anyway. I filled out my form & gave it to her. Literally 5 minutes later she came back & said I needed to put my passport # on it. Of course, my passport was sitting on her desk. Bang, bang (the sound of my head beating on the glass teller window) Then she slid the form & the passport back to me for me to fill the number in. And on . . and on . . There was a 'customer' in the bank who asked us if we wanted to exchange some money when we first walked in. Black-market of course. We should have. Luckily we had exchanged enough in Beijing. Moral: use a bank in a big city. Most hotels will also exchange cash at par if you are a guest)

For the continuation of the trip report, see Xi'an.