1. Do you park your 914 " Far from the maddening crowd" of potential door dingers and in plain sight where you'll shop?
___ ABSOLUTELY.
___ THAT SILLY. NO ONE WOULD DARE DING MY CAR.
2. Do you get squeamish, over-protective and sweaty when your spouse (or toolwench) takes the 914 out on a spin?
___ I SURE DO.
___ NOT ME, I'M TOO MACHO.
3. Do you absolutely refuse to venture out in "QUESTIONABLE LOOKING" weather for fear of globs of rust suddenly forming on your car?
___ HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT.
___ NO, I HAD MINE RUSTPROOFED AT MR. WIGG'S DEPT. STORE FOR $19.99.
4. Do you get tired of reading articles that make the 914 sound as if it were an illegitimate offspring in the PORSCHE family line?
___ I SURE DO.
___ I DON'T READ.
5. Do you get tired of being snubbed by your much more expensive big brothers when you graciously wave or beep at them in passing on the highways?
___ BOY, DO I.
___ NO. I DON'T RECOGNIZE THEM AS REAL PORSCHES.
6. Do you find yourself tackling, or helping a friend to tackle, jobs you'd never in a million years dream of trying?
___ YEP. ANYTHING TO SAVE A BUCK.
___ NOPE. I'M FILTHY RICH LIKE ALL PORSCHE OWNERS.
7. Do you incessantly scan the Sunday's Papers used Porsche section to keep up with the latest value of your machine?
___ ALWAYS.
___ NEVER.
___ CAN'T AFFORD THE PAPER.
8. Do you buy books on Porsches in general, knowing full well that you are only interested in a scant few pages or one chapter devoted to the 914?
___ ABSOLUTELY.
___ NOPE.
9. Do you jump for joy when they finally, after 11 years, write a book solely on the 914? (So what if it's only a book of old magazine reprints?)
___ ABSOLUTELY.
___ WHAT TOOK 'EM SO LONG?
10. Are you guilty of parking your car in a swank neighborhood for its annual picture taking ceremony?
___THE RICHEST I CAN FIND.
___ SOUNDS PHONY TO ME.
11. Are you confronted every six months or so by a wife or relative who hit you with the perfectly logical argument that your car is unnecessary and should therefore go on the block, so you can purchase a pinto?
___ THAT'S IT.
___ WHAT'S A PINTO?
12. Have you brainwashed your kids into recognizing and blurting out the two-syllable version of the name PORSCHE every time you see one while cruising in the family klunker?
___ FITS ME TO A 'T'.
___ MY KIDS DO NOT BLURT.
13. Can you boast of having a PORSCHE WALL in your rec-room, den, or worst of all, bedroom with books, photos, or trophies proudly displayed?
___ HOW DID YOU KNOW?
___ NO, I HAVE A PINTO WALL
14. Have you ever mail ordered expensive parts recently for your 914 knowing that your spouses oven hasn't worked in over a year?
___ I CONFESS.
___ NOT ME, NEVER.
___ I LIKE COLD MEALS EVERYDAY.
15. Do you save a mounting pile of dealer and mail order sales receipts and then never dare to add them up for rear of cardiac arrest.
___ YOU'VE GOT IT.
___ NOPE, I BURN MINE.
16. Do you cleverly hide said receipts in your top dresser drawer so the Mrs. can't find them and hold them hostage?
___ I'LL TAKE THE FIFTH ON THAT ONE.
___ NO, SHE'D NEVER STOOP THAT LOW TO LOOK THAT HIGH.
17. Do you amass great quantities of PORSCHE sales brochures and then mull them over when the kids are all tucked in for the night?
___ WHY, YES I DO.
___ NO, I WATCH RERUNS OF CHARLE'S ANGLES EVERY NIGHT.
18. Did you ever build a garage just to shelter your toy during the long winter doldrums?
___ YES.
___ NO.
___ SOMEDAY.
___ ARE THE DOLDRUMS CONTAGIOUS?
19. Have you stated a scrapbook of your car's history, only to be reminder by your spouse that you didn't do that for any of the kids?
___ WELL, YES, BUT...
___ NO.
___ TOO ASHAMED TO ANSWER.
20. Have you bathed your 914 more times that you have bathed all of your kids combined in the last five years?
___ YES, BUT I DON'T WANT MY KIDS TO RUST.
___ NO. WHEN I WASH THE CAR, I SPRAY THE KIDS TOO.
21. Do you continually make excuses to drive by your local PORSCHE DEALER'S place just so you can take a peek at what's in the lot?
___ YES, I'M NOSEY
___ NO, BECAUSE " BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD" SITTETH MY CAR IS NEED OF REPAIRS.
22. Do you occasionally stop in at your dealer's parts department to make a 50 cent purchase just so you can saunter through the showroom on the way out? (Often called a cheap high)
___YES, AND IT'S WORTH EVERY CENT.
___ NO, BUT IT'S A GOOD IDEA.
23. Do you decorate your garage walls with PORSCHE posters, charts and pictures, only to blush when your folks visit and look at you a little funny when they see your proud display?
___ EXACTLEY.
___ THE GARAGE IS OFF LIMITS TO MOM AND DAD.
24. Have you ever had a friend tell you he just ran across your fiberglass top after his autocross run, and then realized he and his 911 turbo weren't kidding?
___ OH GOD!!!
___ HE'D NEVER DO THAT.
___ SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR RACING TOPLESS.
25. Lastly, have you ever written, or wanted to write a crazy article like this for PANORAMA, knowing full well that your cherished innermost secrets will long last be revealed to thousands of people surely not as zany as you?
___ WELL, YES, IT SOUNDS FUN.
___ NO WAY IS MY MATE GONNA FOUND OUT ABOUT THIS SORT OF STUFF.
SEE HOW YOU ADD -UP
A. If you somehow managed to wade through this whole crazy test, give yourself 10 points.
B. If you own a 914 and answered all of these questions truthfully, give yourself another 10 points. That avoids shutouts.
C. If you answered yes to______ questions, give yourself _____ points.
20-25 questions -------------80 points
15-20 questions--------------60 points
10-15 questions--------------40 points
5-10 questions----------------20 points
0-5 questions------------------10 points
D. Grading scale:
80-100 points: A basket case (but highly intelligent)
60-80 points: An excessively crazed individual (but extremely likeable)
40-60 points: Lacking in PORSCHE graces (but still salvageable)
20-40 points: You need help You're too normal.
0-20 points: A shameful case. You belong in the P.C.A. (PINTO CLUB OF ANTARCTIC)
|
|
HOME PAGE